The New Fitness Fad of Drumsticks and Sweat
June 22, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
When I saw the title listed above on Fire Fox I thought the meaning instituted that if you sweated a lot you would be able to eat a drumstick. How utterly wrong the Fighting Fireman was!
I immediately clicked on the news and discovered how to exercise with drumsticks. The instructor leads you through a class where you pound the gym floor with wooden drumsticks. There is a lot of pounding and it might cause damage to the floor, but you can label it exercise. The inventors are praying it will catch on so they can capitalize monetarily by selling the drumsticks to participants and, of course, by making a fitness video of this newest fad.
I have to give it a thumbs down because you aren’t necessarily learning a skill since the pounding is haphazard, at best, though a good drummer might consider it beneficial endurance-wise. The session I viewed was conducted on a hardwood floor, but the wear and tear would mandate rubber as a wiser venue. You can sweat if you pound with intensity, but then again all exercise will make you perspire even in lieu of a drumstick.
My recommendation would be to stash this exercise fad just where it will end up…in the dust bin! If not, I will eat my hat with a turkey drumstick.
Yours in health,
The Fighting Fireman
The Inconsiderate Personal Trainer
June 17, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
I’ve never seen anything like this at the thousands of
Health Clubs I’ve taught at, visited as a guest and been a member
of. As I made my way to the stair stepper to loosen up a woman
in her thirties nearly knocked me over from behind. She was running
sprints throughout the gym on orders from her trainer. What makes
this all the more incredible is that this gym has a special area for the
specific use of only trainers and their particular clients.
After almost knocking me down I saw her nearly decapitate a guy in his
seventies as he ambled to the water cooler. In this incident she was carrying
a forty pound weight above her head. I couldn’t fault the lady after seeing
the trainer waiting for her return in the “personal clients only arena”. The equipment
in this area is only for the clients use only and regular paying members are not
allowed. This irks many of the paying members since equipment such as kettle
bells and heavy bags are situated here which could be put to good use by the
members familiar with there implementation.
To escalate the absurdity of it all the large muscular trainer smiled brightly
as his pretty charger wreaked havoc amongst the membership seeming to will
her to be destructive. He did not mind putting out the now alerted members
paying the bills to keep the gym running and enabling him to have a job. I must
admit he looked the part of a personal trainer but required some serious lessons
in gym etiquette and personal responsibility. He and the gym might be getting sued
someday but I guess he never thought of that. I’ve dubbed him the “Trainer In Black”
because he always wears the gothic look. by “The Fighting Fireman”
Weight Lifting Impersonator
May 18, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
He sported the physique of a man who ripped me off for $70,000 in South Florida at 5′7″ tall and weight of about 280 pounds. The stomach was of beer belly variety, and his long shorts and baggy shirt covered a lot of ample flesh. At best, he resembled an obscure power lifter and, at worse, a stumble bum impersonating a strong man from the 1920’s. I glanced around and noticed over 1,200 pounds being loaded on the leg press by the mystery male. He strutted around the machine while looking in the mirrors to see who might notice. I took my 90-second rest from the shoulder press machine while glancing over to observe the leg press. I’ve yet to see him perform any work other than to load the plates, so I finished my next set in rapid, but controlled, fashion. Once again, I immediately turned to the leg press, which he continued to circle. Upon completing five more sets ten minutes later the leg press still hadn’t moved, but the fellow was removing the plates. This took him about 15 minutes and did provide some muscular activity.
Once finishing the fake leg press of 1,200 pounds, he lumbered to the standing calf machine where he launched leg kicks at the shoulder pads. Ten kicks with each limb were performed, and after each set my hero smiled and admired himself in the mirror. This attracted more attention than the leg press because the pads weren’t made for kicking, but for supporting the shoulders. He finished this cornucopia of exercise with five sets on the butt blaster (every gym has one of these). I came to the conclusion he might be impaired because he did this after his shower and upon his exit from the gym.
In all my years of observing gym characters, this was a first for me. Load up a bar or machine to look super strong, but not do one repetition, and throw kicks at a standing calf raise. Only at the gym. Please send your gym stories through the website email.
By “The Fighting Fireman”
The Bill Davis Fitness Return
May 13, 2011 by admin
Filed under Fitness and motivation strategy, Gym Characters
Former 1970’s center for Appalachian State University in North Carolina is making a fitness comeback at Lifestyle Fitness in the town of Apex. Though finished with blocking muscular nose guards and middle linebackers while calling out all the blocking assignments for his teammates, this hard-nosed athlete opted to remain in top condition by competing against the various cardio machines, free weights, resistive apparatus, medicine balls and jump ropes at his new gridiron.
With his competitive juices constantly flowing, Bill adopted a circuit routine to complement the pounding his “Air Jordan’s” give the treadmill and elliptical. Never one to tolerate idle chatter, Mr. Davis is all business when he strides through the glass doors of the fitness symposium. Even the option of using headphones, which is popular by most gym-goers, is frowned upon by this exerciser only interested in losing body fat and gaining sinewy muscle.
After 45 minutes on the cardio machines at 80% of his maximum heart rate, I observed Bill jump over obstacles to hurry to the squat machine. In rapid succession he’ll work hamstrings, chest, shoulders, back, traps and arms after completing his quadriceps. He limits his rest between sets to thirty seconds or less. His knowledge of exercise allows him to switch exercises for each muscle part to keep his fibers in a state of excitement. This is critical, for it enables the former lineman to optimize his time if certain free weights and equipment are occupied.
Mr. William Davis is one of the most likable people you would ever want to meet, but only approach him after his workout is completed. He is a man on a mission and will not be satisfied until all his goals are met. As Bill says, “Isn’t that why we work out in the first place?”
By local gym reporter and Absolute Intensity contributor, “Coach Reilly.” I wish I had Bill Davis on my team!
Suki Lou, what are we gonna do with you?
May 10, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
Ahh, Jeeze. No one warned Suki, this IS NOT a form of exercise!!
The Flannel Shirt Instructor
May 8, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
I own a few flannel shirts and wear them when the weather is cold. They are convenient and I don’t have to tuck them into my Absolute Intensity blue jeans. Today I witnessed an odd sight and watched with amusement as the “step and pump” class instructor lead his troopers while donning blue cotton shorts and a green and white long sleeved flannel shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his biceps. I hadn’t seen this type of workout garb since Jeff from World Gym in New York invented the grunge outfit in the early nineties. I’m now convinced that no matter how long some clothes are out of vogue, they may be able to come back in style.
Unfortunately, this didn’t turn out to be for the suddenly irritated instructor. He was constantly pawing and scratching his upper torso from the neck to the rib cage. The constant chafing forced him to conduct the class like a monkey in a hot house. The only plus was the extra attention he received from the entire membership. Judging from the facial expressions, his new attire received a 100% thumbs down.
Upon class completion, the in-over-his-head teacher fled from his class after the final stretch and rid himself of the fabric that left a mosaic of red blotches on his entire upper torso. If only he had consulted with yours truly before wearing the outdated grunge look in Cary, NC. Just another character to add to my never ending collection. Gym locations may change, but the characters remain the same.
Yours in health,
“The Fighting Fireman”
A Unique Day At My Gym No. 1
May 3, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
Three new gym members made a unique impression on me this afternoon. I say new because it was the first time my eyes laid sight on them. As I’ve pointed out to readers many times before, the gym locations may change, but the characters remain the same. My first observation took place as I was in the middle of thirty minutes on the stair stepper. The man was about 5′10″ and rather rotund. To give proper perspective, he was an Alan Gore look-alike sporting a shabby goatee. His gym gear consisted of black spandex and a tan muscle shirt emblazoned with a “bad to the bone caption.” It was cheap looking, and I thought of giving him a link to this website since my wife sells custom-made gym wear that would have spiffed him up. I’m fortunate I refrained because anyone who engaged him caught an earful of his accomplishments. I observed in amusement as he annoyed the man performing seated dumb-bell presses. The pontificator claimed all that the smaller fellow did was wrong, and I learned in fifteen minutes that Gino (he introduced himself to the unfortunate member) claimed to be a navy seal, weightlifting champ and personal trainer. One could question what body he accomplished those feats with, but the young man he was antagonizing just nodded and continued with his lifts. Gino had disparaging remarks for all those exercising around him until he began sucking up to a bigger and stronger member who resembled a weight lifter unleashed. My opinion of Gino is that he will waste your time in an irritating way with a total disregard for your exercise.
As I stepped from the cardio-machine, a personal trainer (he wore the required outfit and had the
physique of a trainer) ushered his charger to the treadmill. He was spouting physiological terminology as if reading from a text. The poor client (a 5′4″ young woman in fairly good condition) hadn’t any idea of what he was speaking and nodded politely as if she were absorbing it all. I was working my abdominals nearby and learned he was the new “head trainer” and had just completed a photo shoot for Cosmopolitan. There was no better trainer than he, and she was lucky to attain his services because all members asked for him. She would compliment him at times and he relished every morsel delivered. I found it odd all the talk was about him and his goals since he was being paid by said client. He had the temerity to divulge that as head trainer he was able to choose the best looking and most affluent clients. All this information in five minutes was enough for my stimulated abs and I hurried away for some resistive training, hoping she would dump the selfish trainer immediately.
While engaged on the seated bench press, a procrastinator came into my line of vision. He was 6′2″ and featured an athletic physique (looked like a basketball player and weighed 195 pounds). I noticed he would watch other members exercise and repeat what they were doing. This can be especially annoying if he is following a particular individual around, but, fortunately, he was choosing different individuals at random. He would only duplicate those with good bodies, so I felt rewarded when he immediately followed me to the dipping bar. This quickly transformed to annoyance because he continued stalking me to the overhead tricep pulleys. I was able to ditch him at the chin-up bar, since he couldn’t do any. This young man will eventually fail because
somewhere down the road you have to step up and lead by example.
Stay tuned with Absolute Intensity for more unique days at the gym.
Yours in Health,
“The Fighting Fireman”
It’s a great day. Our Navy Seals killed Bin Laden!!!
The Ultimate Personal Trainer #3 In The Series
April 27, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
I didn’t know his first name, but a muscle shirt said it all … “The Ultimate Personal Trainer.” His physique was okay, but nothing to get excited about. You wouldn’t see any body gawkers checking him out as he strolled down the street. At a health club where freelance trainers were permitted, The Ultimate figured he would score many clients. The name and logo (picture of a Phoenix with it’s wings spread wide) was patented. Of course, this was a keeper and caused anyone with an interest in fitness to take a second look at his physique after viewing the title. He only had two clients, and one worked out for free because she talked him up to other members. After her exercise, she would canvass the gym seeking out individuals who might require a trainer. She would spin a tale of having one foot in the grave, but thanks to The Ultimate Trainer, now looked and felt like “heel on wheels.”
On occasion I would converse with him, and he advocated to being called the Ultimate. The workouts he provided for his clients were nothing out of the ordinary and might be considered mediocre, at best. He would boast about the money he made from clients outside of this particular gym with such enthusiasm, I had misgivings as to why he would buy a membership for one paying client. His strut was professional and he carried himself with copious esteem. Unlike most of the other trainers, I never witnessed the Ultimate performing his own workout. When he learned I had a background in football and boxing, he claimed to have similar accolades, but on a greater scale … whatever that means.
The one client he trained on a regular basis showed no improvements after two months of working with the Ultimate Trainer. Why someone will keep paying money to look the same is something I will never become accustomed to. This is not significant to the Ultimate Trainer, but to most anyone who claims to be a personal trainer. The Ultimate never really caught a break at the gym, and his shill gained him no clients after all her free exercise sessions. He abdicated as mysteriously as he appeared, boasting that the Atlanta Falcons offered him a contract to train their athletes before he flew our coop.
By “The Fighting Fireman”
Number 2 In The Personal Trainer Series
April 19, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
The “No Pain All Gain” personal trainer is one whom, in my opinion, does not deserve the job. That would be equal to a baseball pitcher winning with just a change-up, or a fighter with only a jab. In order to recruit all your muscle fibers, some effort has to be put forth. Nothing irks me more than when I hear someone’s client ask how many more reps are required while they’re enjoying a casual conversation with said trainer. To make matters worse, the fitness guru will answer, “Eight,” at which count the trainee will cease working without challenging their muscle fibers. The following paragraph portrays an unfortunate incident I witnessed at a local “Y” some years ago.
Gene was working his butt off on a spanking, brand new stair-stepper. He has a replaced hip and is unable to run, but had his heart rate up to ninety percent for over twenty minutes and counting. I was giving him silent kudos, as I went through my lifts, at the absolute intensity with which he was performing. He was so focused, his eyes were shut after finding the athletic zone everyone craves. There was a lot of traffic moving in, out and around the exercise emporium when I noticed the heavyset head trainer with her male client (who appeared to be in better shape than her). As she guided him carefully with the back of her hand, she spied Gene and let out a roar from across the room. “Geeene, You’re doing it wronggggg.” All eyes turned to Gene, who was oblivious to the advice of the head trainer. Annoyed, she waddled over to Gene with her clipboard in tow and client following her like a lost duckling. Gene was so involved in achieving maximum performance, his head was down, intent on completing his mission. His eyes raised to sneak a peek at the clock, and he nearly toppled off the machine when his sight became fixed on the scowl of the trainer. “You’re doing it wrong. Didn’t you hear me!?” Gene just smiled, but she got on the machine adjacent to him and did some semblance of kung fu dancing at a snail’s pace. Again, Gene just smiled and completed his routine, while the rest of the gym shook their heads in amazement.
The head trainer led her client away, while explaining how Gene would hurt himself from sweating so much. Her theory of “no pain all gain” was shot down by the generous dimensions of her own physique. You must recruit all your muscle fibers to make significant gains. Mild exercise will not accomplish this. When working out at fifty percent of your maximum capacity, this is an impossibility. If anything, you might get hurt by not providing proper stabilization for the muscles above and below the joint you are utilizing.
We all know our own bodies best, and a trainer can only provide assistance at a fee. Be brave and discover your limits, and by all means, don’t fall for the “no pain all gain” theory. Today was a nutty day, so I’m going to munch on dried fruit from NutsOnline. They’re delicious and you deserve it.
“No pain no gain” By Coach Reilly
Exceptional Individuals Make Reunions Possible
April 19, 2011 by admin
Filed under Gym Characters
High school reunions are an event you can never get over, unless you were never in it to begin with. I attended my 40th in Nov. 2010. Deacon Dalconzo, Bat Man, Ice Queen and Tweed were missing in action, but the Flamingo, Big Al, and The Snake more than made up for their absence. The Qua remains seething from being labeled Flamingo by Coach Costello, as does Anthony for being named The Snake by Coach Bilotti. Al was forced to save his apology to the Deacon for not negotiating the huge holes he opened up for him as our fullback.
Most of the gals who made it happen are featured below. Cathy T.C., who I attended grade school with reminded me of the crush I had on Lori B, who failed to attend for just that reason. Donna C.C., another grade school/high school buddy remembered grade schooler, Steve Tonneson, who I haven’t seen since 1970. Joanne M.C. is making certain her hubbie (Big Al) keeps that apology ready when the Deacon returns (in five years we hope). I received word from a reliable source that Curtis High prepared to play our 1970 football team by studying the film of our tenacious pulling guard Deacon Dalconzo. Pamela O.M. (my date for the high school Coronation) looked fabulous, and together with the aforementioned ladies, performed the hands-on work to make our reunion possible.
I know I left a lot of individuals out, but you must remember I was hit a lot in my fight career. Stay tuned to absolute intensity for an article on a good friend and former classmate who recently passed away, Dean Martin Anthony Francis Fiorella. “Mailman, mailman, don’t be slow!! Be like Elvis. Go man! Go!
