First Gym Characters Post

This is the First Gym Characters post

First Fitness and Sports Post

This is the first fitness and sports post

Why Dieting Doesn’t Work

I finished reading an article on carbohydrate cycling and found that
most of it made sense, but that the average person was not going to follow
this type of regimen with any consistency, so it is all for naught. Most individuals
have what is called “real lives”, and want to be successful in this world, so they
won’t be able to measure their carbohydrates while charting the days they should
and shouldn’t load up. The shocking of the bodies systems, while a good idea, isn’t
what strength gain and weight loss is all about. Self discipline and a “never say die”
attitude to succeed, is what will give you the body you crave. Of course you have
to watch what you eat, but you can achieve success by making simple healthy
eating (maybe some a tad unhealthy) choices, and still achieve a lean muscular
physique.
The grapefruit diet, watermelon flush, meat and water, fish and water,
low carbohydrates and high fat, high fat and low carbohydrates, weight watchers,
lean cuisine, Jenny Craig, and all the rest of these fads will be relegated to the dust
bin, after a few days, weeks, or months. Just like carbohydrate cycling, you will find
these methods too boring and unrealistic for you to enjoy life, and experience success
while doing it your way.
Your body craves variety, and with absolute intensity exercise and a healthy diet,
you can guarantee yourself success. People are shocked when I inform them I don’t diet,
yet still weigh 220 pounds, have only 8 percent body fat, and a 33 inch waist. Pizza is
my favorite food, and steak, fish and salads are staples for my physique. I’ve been following
the absolute intensity diet and workout program since I was 16 because I invented it, and
have tweaked it to perfection over the years. Intensity, duration and frequency of exercise,
together with developing a “set point ” you can live with, while still eating the enjoyable foods
we all want, is what absolute intensity is all about. Throw away your diet, stop reading
and buying the hype, and get on board with “the absolute intensity program”. I guarantee
your success. “The Fighting Fireman” Your comments are welcome and will receive response.

The Gym Gabber

Don’t ever ask the gym gabber a question or his answer will be similar
and as lengthy as a politician explaining how great he is. He came in today and
sidled up to a lady on the elliptical. I could smell his garlicly breath from where
I was, three large machines over. She smiled politely at his spontaneous but lame
introduction of, “is the machine taken”, to the unoccupied stationary bike immediately
to her left. Not quick enough to lie and reply she was saving it for a friend, the attractive
female said “it’s all you”. That was all he needed to hear, and I cringed each time
he leaned in close in an attempt to score with garlic points. I mean, if I needed a scott
air pack from where I was situated, this hottie under attack had to be holding her
breath, as she pedaled frantically on her elliptical. She couldn’t get a syllable in if she wanted
to, but I’m certain this gym beauty didn’t want to egg him on, or give him false
hopes of a lasting friendship.
After five more minutes of uninterrupted braggadacio, the unfortunate female was forced
to capitulate, by cutting her exercise short and heading for the showers. She knew from
past experience that if she went anywhere else but the female bathroom, her fouled
breath paramour would be a sure bet to follow.
After her quick escape, the out of shape talker scoped the room for other potential
victims, but there were no lovelies to be found. His beady eyes noticed me on the stair stepper
and I knew it was coming. He plodded over to the stair stepper next to mine, and I slipped
my head to the right enabling me to dodge the full effects of the garlic, while he rambled on
about professional football, and how he was a better athlete than most of them, but was never
given a chance in high school. I nodded appropriately and ran to the chin-up bar, which
was an exercise I knew his stubby 250 pound body would never attempt.
Having lost me, his quest continued, and he left the stepper area without even taking an initial
step. After a set of chin-ups, I viewed a novice personal trainer asking him how his workout
was going. One hour later, as I was heading for the exit, I saw the unfortunate personal
trainer still getting an earful from the gym gabber. I hope he liked the smell of garlic!!! by Coach Reilly

Anal Retentive Moronic Personal Trainer

The title says it all about this 5′5″ dope who has a personal training
certification. I can’t fathom how clients put up with this idiot in sneakers. He’s
continually right in their space and never gives them an inch to move. Does he
really think he’s impressing other gym members with his in your face, while he scribbles
down notes on an oversized clipboard attitude. I’d prefer to stick needles in my eyes than
exercise with this phony. The most amazing thing is that some of is clients are
with him more than once a week. This has to be pure torture. I’d rather be with
the take back Wall Street idiots than work out with this anal retentive, let alone
have to pay him for the honor.
You know how you know this guy is a great anal retentive personal trainer, just
ask him and he’ll tell you. Then you’ll receive a 15 minute lecture on his life history
in the world of fitness. How he achieved any of these feats of stardom in the body
he owns belies the truth. I saw this excuse for an eyesore when I entered the gym
today and he had a client using the exercise wheel I hadn’t seen in a week. Many
regular members like to use it, and it’s usually in the general population section. (this
club has a special section only for trainers and their clients) I found out rather
expediently why neither I nor any other member had been able to find it. The anal
retentive moronic personal trainer hides it under a stack off rubber mats when he
and his clients are finished with it. This vagabond smiles as exercisers search the gym
for the exercise wheel, when he knows precisely where it is.
I give this wannabe an F as a grade for personal trainer, and F- as a human being
for being so vindictive to the general membership, you can take that to the bank or
to absolute intensity for top of the line personal training. by “The Fighting Fireman”

The Patronizing Personal Trainer

She is a pretty blue eyed blond who makes sure her training uniforms
are hip hugging and asset friendly. The mid twenty year old has an amazing smile,
but doesn’t work out in the facility where I see her on a regular basis of four times
a week. I can’t estimate what kind of shape she is in because genetics and a decent
diet are all it requires for certain individuals to look fabulous.
This young lady has developed a steady stable of clients of predominantly
middle aged women. When I saw her training two new clients who were out of condition,
judging from their physical composition and lack of stamina, she committed the most egregious
sin in the absolute intensity world of fitness. The ladies were trying their best to complete
the cable exercises that were totally out of their physical realm, so much so that I cringed,
as I watched their contorted limbs almost separate from their sockets. The trainer just smiled
at their agony while she glanced at her watch, to find out how much time was left in the thirty
minute session.
Realizing the two new recruits might be in over their heads, she had them finish up with
some basic push and pull with about five pounds of torque. She called out to the heavier of the two,
upon completing a set of eight repetitions without any effort, “you are doing so good and working
so hard today, in the most patronizing of tones”. The woman’s answer of “thanks but I don’t feel
anything” was priceless. The pretty personal trainer didn’t miss a beat and replied, “trust me,
I know when you are working hard even when you don’t. No pain and all gain”. With that final
comment she bid her clients good day, and said she would see them tomorrow. The two clients
trudged to the shower with mystified expressions, contemplating if what they did was really going to help them
lose fifty pounds.
I felt sorry for the two gals, because they knew they were being patronized by the trainer,
but were too kind to say anything. The only bright side to the incident is that the patronizing
personal trainer is easy on the eyes, and brings a smile to all the male members. Just another
day and character at the local gym. Let me know what you think. by Coach Reilly

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Personal Trainers Hate Me

I have personal trainers that are friends, but the majority of them hate and
despise my methods. Rather than be a money grabber and walking lecturer, I give
clients what is most important, or I don’t accept them as clients. Put rather simply,
I make them work so they can achieve my goals. That’s right Mugambo, the “Fighting
Fireman” sets the goals. The client really doesn’t know what they want, or they already
would have achieved just what it is they are seeking. Through my many years of coaching,
top notch athletic competition, gym training, and acute study and observation, I can guide
any individual to be a superior physical specimen. This means I will have you looking
fantastic, or I will refund your money. That is the reason I don’t accept slackers in my program,
because I refuse to waste my time and money, and the customers own valuable time.
I’m not going to spend ten minutes explaining a piece of exercise equipment to an individual,
and blab on about muscle origins and insertions, when I can have them using that time
to stimulate their muscles. You won’t see me knocking other trainers and boasting about
how I am the best, because I will prove my success rate, by having you look at yourself in the mirror
after a couple of weeks under my guidance. No body fat calculations, heart rate tests, or
fitness questions will be administered, and all I request is a doctors note to assure me
you don’t have one foot in the grave.
Never, and I mean never, will you see me walking around the gym like I am all that,
and then some. I’ll give any gym member assistance if they seek it, but won’t force myself
upon someone with a b.s. story about how they are doing something wrong, when I don’t even
know their goal, unless they are going to kill themselves.
I’ve also never been one to hit on the pretty women with feats of how great I am, and how
they should go out with me. I’m lucky, because my wife is gorgeous, but I’m talking about my younger,
bachelor days. I still chuckle when I see the trainers constantly hitting on the young pretty females,
while ignoring those who might need real help.
I’m not into all these new products and training methods that are introduced, because I’ve
tried them all in different mediums over the years. CRX training, Kettlebells, Prx 2, Strike, Yoga
Box, Stability Ball etc. can all be accomplished with basic exercise and minimal equipment. I consider
them all money making derivatives for the fitness arena and the trainers pushing them can’t stand
me for it.
Come and join me at absolute intensity for a free, no holds barred exercise session. Send
me your comments because they are always welcome. The personal trainers may hate my methods
and financial philosophy, but my members love it. Yours in health. “The Fighting Fireman”

Mr. Doo Rag Rag

This middle age weight lifter is living on the edge at the gym.
His doo rag is closely cropped to his bald head. Why would you even wear
a doo if you are bald? A baseball cap I could identify with, but the doo rag
is totally out of character for this middle age gym buff. I am not implying that
he looks buff, because that is far from the case, but as long as he is comfortable
with his muscles, that is what counts.
I’ve seen more doo rags than I’d rather witness at the local gym, and I’m
assuming this coincides with the change in our culture. When I was in my teens
I never saw a doo rag. I witnessed a member questioning Mr. Doo about his
rag and he went ballistic. For a guy who seemed mellow and mild, he does not
want anyone to question his style of head gear. After ranting at his questioner
for ten minutes, while heaving about any weight he could get his mitts on, Mr.
Doo Rag straightened out his Doo Rag and went about his exercising, as if nothing
had ever happened. I’m chalking it up as the power of the doo rag, it is here
to stay!!!!! Comments are welcomed about Mr. Doo Rag, by Coach Reilly

Innundated With Protein Shakes

I like a protein shake to aid in my recovery because it is essential
to provide an ounce of protein for half your body weight, to aid in muscle
cell reparation. One member at my local gym borders on the absurd when
working out, by constantly grunting and posturing between sets, and drinking
a shake while resting. He is always asking for spots and makes a big production
before each lift. He’ll put on wraps, attach chains to the olympic bar, and scan
the gym for pretty women to watch his lift. He’s a big guy but soft in the belly,
and his large round glasses makes this buffoon look like Mr. Peabody from
Rocky and Bullwinkle.
He’ll let out an ear shattering roar as he does his lift, and without the assistance
of the spotter, wouldn’t achieve one repetition. He’ll load on four hundred pounds
and stalk around the entire gym as if the weight of the world is on his mighty
shoulders. When he finally get’s down to the business of the actual lift, after consuming
3 protein shakes, attempting to force autographs on members, hitting up the hot
women, and blowing out some organic farts, the spotter is forced to do all the work.
For the poor spotter it is like doing upright rows with four hundred pounds, and he
is exhausted after the set.
While the spotter is attempting to catch his breath, Peabody will ask in a loud auspicious
roar if he helped him much on the lift. Being a nice guy, and not wanting to get close
to this organic fart machine, he nods and says “all you big guy”. Peabody will tell everyone within
earshot, whether they want to know or not, that he needs to suck up another shake
in the locker room. His bowupright rows,peabody,four hundred pounds,organic fartlegged walk to the locker room is with arms and back flexed in the form of
a neanderthal. The fact that he works out daily and does the same routine is of no
consequence to this species, who innundates himself with protein shakes.
by Coach Reilly

The Hat At The Gym

I never wanted to wear any kind of head covering in the gym because it
holds the heat in, and I was always working my behind off. In technical terms, I wanted
to let the pent up temperature out, so I could cool my body. This is why we have
sweat glands. I know many individuals despise sweat, even when they’re working out,
but isn’t this why we engage in exercise in the first place. To look better and clean out our
system from the inside out. There is no more efficient way to get rid of bacteria, than from
pushing it out from the inside.
This is why I’ll never understand the gym hat explosion. Some guys will even wear
ski caps and work out. I mean it could be 90%’s outside and 75 in the gym, but certain
members will wear a tank top and ski cap. What is the deal!? It looks downright ugly, but
it doesn’t faze the particular individual. To him he is the Don Juan of the gym, and the coolest
looking guy in the universe.
Yesterday, I noticed a 30 year old blubbery guy wearing his baseball cap backwards,
while he sweat profusely on the stationery bike. This was an uncanny sight to behold, but he
strutted around when finished as if he owned the joint. I know baseball players wear the caps
when they play, but more often than not they are not sweating like a stuffed pig.
The newest headgear for fitness buffs is the fashionista hat. This is what women wear
when they want to look cool for a photo, and strut into a chic club for a night on the town. It
makes no sense to wear while you work out , but than again, the individuals I see wearing this
newest element in exercise fashion, do little exercise and never perspire. It makes as much sense
as wearing shorts down to your knees, but that is a story for another day. Despite the fashion changes,
I’ll continue my treks to the gym hatless, but I much prefer the “cat in the hat” to “the hat at the gym”.
by “The Fighting Fireman” please leave your comments for the world

Health Club Attention Grabbers

The two thirty something local gym members were to body building
like Lady Gaga is to eclectic fashionista’s. I noticed young ladies trying not
to pay them any mind, but you knew they were taking quick glances just as
I was. Both of their physiques were ripped to shreds, and the more menacing
of the duo’s deltoids were so enormous the muscle came to a point on top of
a point.
The fact they wore string tank tops, with form fitting spandex trunks
from the bulldog gym, added to their attention grabbing look. They kept to themselves
for the most part, but were quick to give advice when a few of the younger
members asked them how they got to look like they did. Wannabe muscle heads
admired the way they pushed each other with the assisted repetitions, and some
heads would turn when voluminous, gut wrenching grunts were unleashed.
The only people impressed by their onslaught were the youngsters and
a few pretty women who were attracted to the extremely ripped and muscular
look. I admired their discipline but the lifestyle wasn’t for me, when I overheard
the diet which they forced upon themselves. I was always one who refused to
weigh my food and count the grams of protein I consumed each meal, and divide it
by the energy I expended. If you’re an introvert I guess everyone would like to be
a health club attention grabber, and they made sure they garnered as much as possible.
Besides the skimpy outfits and out of the ordinary physiques the dynamic duo
decided to enter the fully enclosed glass class room, and strip off their shirts for a pose down.
I imagine both had a contest coming up because they went at it like Obama against the
Republicans. The contorted faces and bulging muscles were surreal and if anyone in our
gym said they didn’t notice, or take a peak, I’d label them a bigger liar than a politician.
My workout was finished, and the time just flew, by thanks to the health club
attention grabbers. I hope I see them at the gym soon because they seem like nice
guys and relieve the stress and monotony of a workout. by “The Fighting Fireman”

A Gym Character A Day

I was feeling good after torturing myself with 40 minutes of cardiovascular conditioning that left me sucking for air and saturated in sweat. Luckily, I had on my sublimation wicker wear Absolute Intensity shirt for maximum cooling and comfort. The form fitting white shorts were not of the wicker wear variety. However, they were form fitting, so I didn’t feel like a geek.

I situated myself on the ab-crunch apparatus and set the angle at an 85% crunch. If not familiar with the terminology, this means my upper body was bent slightly forward. The longer the lever, the more difficult
the exercise, but with my severe hip arthritis it feels like I am sticking needles in my side when I’m at a full ninety degrees. I finished my third set of twenty-five with 140 pounds of resistance and was holding the last repetition for ten seconds, as is my norm.

As I came up slowly from the hold position and finished my repetition, a trainer was standing over me. The kid looked to be between 20-30 years old and possessed a good physique. He began to lecture me as to how I was too hunched over on my last repetition and he recommended the double crunch machine nearby for everybody. Without knowing my background or what my goal was, medical condition, or knowledge and experience in the field of fitness, he gave me a brief introduction to abdominal conditioning.

Rather than explain myself to him, I thanked the young buck for his advice and went about my business. He did introduce himself and gave me a fist bump, and when I proceeded to the machine he recommended — which is my normal routine — he gave me an “I told you so” approval.

I was going to do today’s story on another character who kept giving me dirty looks, but decided to go with this one because I want to point out how this particular trainer should have handled the situation. I surmised the reason he targeted me could be any of the following:

1. He wanted to show off his fitness knowledge.
2. He thought I might hire him to train me.
3. Was told by management to mingle with the members.
4. Wanted to introduce himself.
5. Thought I was a stupid old fool who was going to hurt himself!

I want to digress and mention that my fitness classes have been featured on the Today Show, Fox Five News and Good Day New York. I’m also an international presenter and have taught the most dynamic abdominal classes at spas and gymnasiums across the country. Now I’ll explain what this trainer should have done.

The first thing you do is to ask an individual what their goal is. Members use machines for different specifics and may be working something other than what you might think. That was the first thing I always asked a member, and I only interrupted if I thought they might hurt themselves. If you have a specific recommendation about an exercise or apparatus that works for you, ask the individual if they mind if you give them a recommendation about an exercise they might enjoy. Never assume you know more than the next person because you might end up looking like a fool.

Member and character tip from The Fighting Fireman.

Tune in tomorrow for the next character and let me know about the strange happenings in your gym.

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