First Gym Characters Post

This is the First Gym Characters post

First Fitness and Sports Post

This is the first fitness and sports post

February 2011 Newsletter

February 2011

Finding A Gym

You’re apprehensive as you open the double glass door with large postings of muscle maniacs situated to the left and right of you. The thunder of weights being thrown about like frisbees heightens your tension. Dr. Goombatz informed you yesterday that you must begin an exercise program or die.

Just like Obama-care, not much of a choice. These are virgin steps for you, since the only exercise you ever considered was playing golf and softball. They did provide modest activity and blood flow redistribution, but your wonderful diet of fast foods mixed with alcohol did not enable muscle growth and maximum oxygen uptake.

Firmly sculpted males and females hurry about the sprawling complex in perfectly tailored black outfits with personal trainer scripted in bold, white letters on the back, and Fitness First on the front. This is the name of the gym your friend suggested you explore, and you inhale the feats of strength and hormonal scents enveloping your space.

The salesperson has already focused on you as a newbie and reaches your side before the receptionist has the opportunity to say hi. He shakes your hand enthusiastically and motions you to his desk a few yards away surrounded by sports memorabilia and plush with red carpet. It’s an open forum so you can hear the chatter and notice gorgeous babes in outfits sizing up the equipment. Brian, the sales representative, awakens you from your trance and shoves some contracts in front of you. You barely read a sentence before he grabs you by the arm and offers you a tour. You dutifully oblige and follow the puppet master past equipment you have no clue as to what it may develop. You’ve seen some of the apparatus on the television, but have never burned a calorie on any.

The affable Brian leads you past a group of machines, which are labeled the thirty minute workout. That sounds good to you as you curse your doctor for bringing the health problems to your attention so macho men can can give you the fish eye while you check out their domain. One attractive lady gives you a smile realizing what you are experiencing, and you just shrug your shoulders sheepishly. Brian is pointing out fitness amenities, but you can’t pay attention because you feel like the lone fish in a bowl with a litter of cats attempting to devour you.

There is a class functioning in the aerobic room, and the instructor looks like he is unleashing holy hell on them. The participants are screaming bloody murder for more, and you can’t fathom why, but figure it must be reasonable because the bodies of mostly toned women are stunning. When Brian leads you to the cardio equipment section, he lets it be known that if you don’t exercise, you will more than likely have a heart attack. You are curious to find out if Brian knew Dr. Goombatz, but decided against it.

The bathroom looked clean, and lockers were provided on a daily basis with you providing the lock. Poor Brian turned crimson when a member pulled his bag from the top of a locker and dust covered the area like snow in Buffalo. A furious sales guide leads you back to his office where Brian proclaims and assures you the cleaning guy will be fired. He went into an oratory about how this gym was the best in the country and he would give you a twenty percent discount just because you are you. Brian thought he had this one in the bag, but you hedge to his surprise. Forced to put plan two into progress, Brian calls over Cindy, the hottest of the trainers. Always one to take one for the team, Cindy hurried over and welcomes you to the gym. Before you can answer, she wiggled her shapely behind and offers a free training session if you sign up for a ten pack. Both staff members are befuddled when you politely decline, and Cindy goes on her way after giving it her best shot. You up and exit before Brian can implement code three, which was to double team the newbie (you, of course) with his supervisor and make an offer you can’t refuse.

This is what you will be up against if you are new to the gym scene. I’ll now explain how to navigate and find the right gym fortwith. Get reliable references before you check out the facility you might be calling your second home. Fitness is a lifestyle and it beats the alternative. If you’re not certain what I mean, then intend to remain fat and lazy. If the doctor who recommends exercise for you is out of shape, invite him to come along for inspiration. Joining with a friend or companion is always a plus because you can pull the double team on the sales person. You’ll know the facility is not for you if you see hulking men in tank tops throwing weights around like softballs. Immediately turn and exit unless you are one of them. When child care is offered, it is a plus because you will be dealing with a family crowd and they tend not to take it to the extreme. After the initial sales pitch, take the obligatory tour of the facility and ask questions about gym cleanliness, best time to workout, people with attitudes, and if any equipment are for staff use only. This is a new item because I recently joined a gym where certain equipment and areas are for personal trainers and clients only. I don’t think the staff realizes you pay their salary.

Make sure there is enough of the exercise equipment you enjoy and that it is always accessible. When you are starting out, they will try to saddle you with a personal trainer. If you find you want one, make sure it is only for ten sessions. Anyone who pays for more than that really doesn’t want to work out. Don’t kill the messenger, this is a fact of life. Physical fitness is not rocket science, and you will know what to do after ten sessions. A better and cheaper way would be to ask questions of fellow members. They are more than willing to show off their smarts in the realm of exercise where everyone views themselves as an expert. If you read my e-book, “Gym Characters,” you will get a synopsis of every character you might meet in the gym. Enjoy the new experience and email me with any problems.

The G’Day Fruit Expert

I received an email from the G’Day man today. He is a former lieutenant in the N.Y.C. Fire Dept., and his salutation always begins with G’Day; hence, the name I’ve given him. This is a far cry from the name he gave a firefighter under his command which scarred the individual for life. His name was Edward Sweeney and this officer called him S-W-I-N-E-Y. You have that right, he labeled Eddie the most gluttonous of farm animals. Unfortunately, the lieutenant used his fabricated monstrosity so often, younger firefighters began calling Eddie’s foul nomenclature over the voice box for phone calls. The troubled and stressed out Ed told a rather rotund firefighter who announced “SWINEY outside phone” that the name is Sweeney, “fat boy.” The good day man never apologized, and I wonder to this day if Ed could sue him for defamation of character and job discrimination.

I bring this up to set the stage for my hypothesis about the fruit. His article described that it is so important to eat fruit at a certain time of day, and only before you eat other types of protein and carbohydrates. To me, this type of nonsense is similar to global warming. The more complex the language, the better it sounds to those who don’t ask questions and do their own homework. The article goes on to say which fruits are more beneficial, including what ingredients they contain and how they help the digestive system in removing free radicals. All of this may be true, but I know fruit is healthy for me because I have always incorporated it into my diet. Some fruits taste good, and I’ve settled on the ones I like best. Kiwi, cantaloupe, watermelon, and honey dew are my staples.

I’ve found the ideal time to eat them is in the morning before I workout. Fruits digest easily and you won’t feel like you are starving. The natural sugars provide an energy boost. I’ll have fruit yogurt if I need more substance or fruit filled multi-grain bars.

I don’t believe in the hypothesis that you have to eat anything at a certain time of day mixed with only specific types of food. My tried and tested theory has been if you have an intake of 3,000 calories a day and you burn up three thousand a day, your weight remains the same. Depending on my work shift, I was eating at ten in the evening most days in my thirties and forties. You will absorb the broken down molecules quicker directly after your exercise, so it is an ideal time to load up on a thick fruit and protein shake, but not essential.

If someone is not attuned to their own body, they might feel guilty after reading an article like the one I received via G’Day. You might begin following the particulars to a “T.” No need, everyone can eat their fruit when they want to and in the amount they feel necessary. Think about the sailing voyages in the 1600’s. They found out you need certain fruits to prevent rickets and scurvy, but didn’t fret about what time they ate them. Global warming is a hoax because I haven’t experienced much of a weather change in the 58 years I’m breathing, and my health is good because I’ve followed a balanced diet.

The bottom line is to exercise regularly and eat a balanced diet. This includes fruit, but you don’t have to be a regulation freak.

Yours in health……Dennis Reilly

Don’t Let It Stop You!

Her name was Leonie and she was non-stop action from the get-go in my aerobic-boxing class. She did everything full out and would not be denied. This is the kind of athlete you want on your team if you’re a player and a coach. Her footwork and hand speed was superior, and she followed instructions like they were branded in her brain. The student to her right was taller and heavier and presented herself as a superior athlete. This was a class and not a competition, and some get carried away. No one would mind if she were an expert in the sweet science, but her hooks made it seem she was driving a car.

I could sense she was aggravated at the new blond maned bomber from Australia for stealing her thunder. The pretty blond had no clue about the animosity until the incident. The arrogant hussy was wearing her daily gray thong, which was out of style for regular participants, and bumped the fast moving Aussie from her lane of footwork. She let the first bump go without incident, but demanded to know what was up when she was hammered again. The bully told her to move, and she decided in genuine Aussie fashion she would have none of it. As the gray-haired six footer turned on her, she dropped her with a left hook to the body. No words were spoken as the antagonist doubled over in pain.

The ‘incident’ took place with such speed that the class was oblivious, other than yours truly and the two combatants. We finished up with some floor work, and the woman in gray kept her distance from the speedy lightweight. I didn’t have to speak a word, but told the class, “Don’t ever let it stop you” in parting.